Now my dear fellow lady and gentlemen travellers out there, there are certain things that sound or looked like a good idea at the time. I know infamous last words these are the things that we hope to learn from yet never to repeat.
It’s all good and well when it comes to say eating inhumanly hot food, drinking a horrible alocholic concoction, doing something innately stupid for kicks etc etc etc…you get the general gist of where this is going. All of these you might survive and still might decide to do again at some point.
However there is one thing in life that you will never and I mean NEVER do again, this is something that will send shivers down your spine at the very notion of such. There are people out there so tricky and devious that there should really be a law against them. No I am not talking about politicains, lawyers, people who give out parking tickets or people who knock on your door asking if you have heard about Jesus Christ…there is a special place in hell for all the above there is no question about that.
But even these pale in comparison to the CLINGER…., these demons that have been wrenched forth straight from hell’s clinging circle. The circle that clings on for dear life to the ninth circle. It is so scary that not even Dante dared to bring it up for fear of attracting one of them. These creatures who are tantamount to being the modern day Succubi…and yes I know that Succubi were female, but there are male versions too in this day and age. It all depends entirely on your sexual preference in my experience but don’t worry if this is sounding far too difficult.
In case you are unaware what a clinger is or who they might be, in short they are the most overly needy emotionally sapping people you will ever meet. Whom at first meeting they are nice, sweet, gentle and seemingly harmless, people who seem to be without an ounce of bitterness in them, like a giant ball of candy floss. That should be the very first sign of a clinger to you, that bitterness, that bite in my experience is utterly essential. Just how a cocktail or a soft drink can be too sweet, that first taste is great but you know that if you drink too much of it you will get a headache. The same goes with people, when they are too sweet they will become a headache…or even worse a problem in your social life, which tends to be one and the same thing. This is perhaps the best description of a clinger. When you encounter a one depending on how bad they are you have several options:
1: Keep them at an arms distance and remain friendly
2: Embrace them and watch them become overly dependant on you for their own happiness.
3: Run the fuck away, block them on all forms of social media, block their number and just be polite to them in passing, and when you encounter them socialy.
I tend to favour the later option as it allows you focus your attention on your own sanity and those in your life that matter. Not those who want to matter to your life and are overly despirate to be a part of it.
For this post I am just going to focus on the Grade A1A Clingers as other wise you will get bored. Not even the Face Huggers from the Aliens franchise have got anything on this lot, they are truly the worst of the worst. These are the ones that are so clingy they start to do everything you do. They agree with whatever you say, even start dressing like you and believe that they have so much in common with you. All this after having known you for a couple of weeks, they have been Facebook stalking you to the N’th degree. Reading everything they can get their hands about you…including your Linkedin profile (I mean who reads that). If you have in passing conversation mentioned you were a fan of a particular film or book series, they have gone and read / watched every single one over night. If these people have a crush on you…its even worse…ohhh much worse the horror of it all.
If they happen to have amorous feelings towards you….oh boy…they will look at and be jealous of every girl / boy you have ever been pictured with. Regardless or not if they are just really good friends of yours, they will question you about and be jealous of them. NEVER EVER, EVER have sex with them this is a cardinal rule, don’t make out with them hell don’t even dance with them. A pity fuck with them won’t end well, as they in their twisted warped menality will see that as “love”. By doing what might be described as harmless bit of fun after all sex is a fun activity, you will only succeed in feeding their appetite. This bit of hanky panky won’t have any other effect other than to make it TWICE as hard to get rid of them. Trust me if you do the old hokey pokey with them, you they will be waiting at the entrance of your door waiting for you to come home every day.
Just be as polite as you can keeping them at a very firm distance, esspecially if they happen to be friends with your firends. Having encountered several of these in my life, luckily they have only become major problems in my social life once or twice. But they have been dealt with, with my custom brand of brutal efficienty as will all others that I encounter. With this type of clinger the only way to survive the encounter and come out intact, without getting PTSD or an even worse drinking habit. Is to turn your heart as cold and as unfaltering as steel, be as strong and immovable as a great mountain, you must stand your ground. This brand of clinger has a terrible weapon; they will feign weakness and utilse the worst kind of warfare upon you. They will resort to tears and emotional blackmail trying to force those around you in to getting what they want, namely you…I can recall one incident in partilcular where this happened.
This dark, underhanded type of weapon should really have been outlawed by the Geneva convention. It’s despicable, crude, vile and utterly ruinous it can turn a simple misdemeanour into a full on civil war. That pits friends against friend, all because they have been lulled into this trap and have become servants to the preening Princess / Prince. If they are allowed to win they will be even worse than ever before….because they know they can do what they want and get away with it.
You have ONE chance to quel this demon, and that means you have to firm, brutal and unwavering. It’s more than likely you will be seen as a bit of heartless basterd / bitch, and so be it save your compassion and love for those that are worthy of it, and will reciprocate in kind not those who simply want it.
I will issue a warning as these clingers have been known to turn overly hostile, they will call all of your friends to get them on their side. In the hope of swaying you back to them, esspecially once its clear to them that it ain’t going to happen. Then they turn aggressive, so aggressive infact I have known these demons to turn up out side friends houses at the early hours of the morning. Unable to control themselves, screaming and shouting until you show yourself leaving you no other option than to deal with them. I do not jest, nor do I over exagurate I have know this to happen on several occaisons, luckily not to me…YET.
Worse still they can be vengeful spritis, and have even be known to go as far as to falsely accuse their obsessions of RAPE… there is no end to what this type of clinger won’t do.
So my friends stay safe and strong, for this kind of Clinger stick to my recommended choice of option 3, when it becomes clear that you have a Grade A1A clinger on your hands. Thank you for taking the time to read my little rant. Oh..if your asking do I have one of these foul demons on my hands currently…yes I do…hence what inspired me to write this in the first place. She will be dealt with using the tried and trusted methods that have served me well in the past…WISH ME LUCK!!!